First Time Is Always The Hardest
by AboutEclare
Summary: Clare gets the shock of her life. She wants to be happy about it, but can she? Might not be what the title suggests... LOL. I'm bad at summaries, just read if you love Eclare fiction!
1. Welcome!

My eyes fluttered open when the sunlight hit my eyes. It was Saturday, a day to just relax, and not worry about school.

I got up and put my robe on. I walked over to my calendar to see what was planned for today, and the date from a couple of days back was circled.

I was supposed to start my period the a few days ago, but it never started. In fact, the period probably would have ended by now.

I sighed and laid on the bed.

Have you ever had that feeling that you just knew something that you couldn't prove? Or that feeling when you know you need to know the truth, but your too scared to be told what it is? That's how I felt.

A few weeks back, about a month or so, Eli had a break in his schedule at NYU. He was able to come and see his family and friends, and me of course. While he was here, we weren't totally safe. I don't know why. Maybe we just got caught up in the moment?

I don't know, it just happened, and now, I just know the worst has happened.

I'm pregnant.

I laid there for a while staring at my ceiling, when the familiar feeling of nausea hit.

This wasn't technically a sign of pregnancy for me though. After chemo, my body has been totally messed up, and I'm still on medication.

I sat there, hoping it would go away, but the feeling just got worst and worst, so I headed to the bathroom. I tried to hold it all down, but I couldn't.

Whether or not I just threw up because of chemo or because of a pregnancy, I was sick and tired of being worried and not being totally certain about what was going on with my body.

I got up, got dressed, got something to eat, and went to the store. I just prayed that I wouldn't get sick while shopping.

When I walked up to the aisle, I didn't really know what I wanted. I just wanted to know if I was pregnant. I got a popular brand that wasn't special, and headed home.

When I came back, everyone was still asleep. At this point, I was used to waking up early for school, but nobody else woke up as early as I did on a regular basis.

I slid into the bathroom and took the pregnancy test of the box. I read the instructions, and it was a good thing I didn't pee yet.

I carefully followed all the instructions, and I sat the pregnancy test out on the sink to, I don't know, set?

When you have three minutes to find out if your going to be a teen mom or not, you get to thinking about a lot of things.

How would my parents react? There so overly religious and anal, they would probably freak out, and might kick me out of the house. I hope they will be supportive of me.

How about Eli? How would he react? Will he be upset? Mad? Disappointed? Will he blame me? Will he come back from New York? If he comes back from New York, that means he has to give up his dreams of NYU. If he comes back here, then the closest school, besides a community college, is still an hour away. Will we have to move somewhere else? If so, where would I go to school to finish high school? Or would Eli stay in NYU and me and the baby move into an apartment with him? Studio apartment in New York are already so expensive, how much would a two bedroom cost?!

How can we afford a baby, or even a pregnancy? How was this all going to happen?

By the time I looked at my watch, it was already past the waiting time bi a few minutes.

I walked up to the sink and took a deep breath before grabbing the test, and bringing it to eye level.

There it was.

Proof.

That little extra line sealed the deal, and sealed my fate.

I'm going to be a mom.

How the hell am I going to tell that to _my _mom?

I walked out of the bathroom and sat on my bed with my pregnancy test still in my hand. I had already hid all the other things in the trash can so that no one would see it.

"Okay, so I'm pregnant," I said to myself.

"Now I need to tell everyone... I'll tell Eli soon, I'll talk to him and we'll decide when to tell our parents, probably within a few weeks, and once I start to show, I'll tell everyone else. But what if I don't show till later in the pregnancy? Okay, never mind, I'll tell them... when I'm three-months pregnant," I said quietly to myself.

I'm not sure how I'm going to tell them. It might not be fun... It might be. I don't know.

I'm also not sure about who I want as a doctor. Or do I want a midwife? What's the difference?

I don't know... I'm going to need help.

I pulled my computer into my lab and searched _"pregnancy help newsletters"_. A website pulled up that I already knew about. I had used the site for advice many times before, I knew I could trust it. I signed up for an online newsletter that would send emails right to my inbox.

Hopefully it will cover all my questions.

I closed the computer and decided that I should at least see somebody to get some help.

I got my phone and called my OBGYN. I had her as my gynecologist for about a year now, and hopefully she will be useful and good as an obstetrician.

We set an appointment for next month, once I had missed a second period.

Once I hung up, I realized how depressed I was. One thing I didn't understand was, why?

Why was I so depressed about having my baby? There's nothing wrong with having a child. I always wanted to be a mom. It might not be how I wanted it to be, but there still should be no reason that I feel any shame in my baby. My baby didn't do anything wrong. In fact, its my job to be a good mom now, so that the baby is never in harm's way.

That's it! I was not going to be depressed or sad or upset or mad about this. Maybe it's weird for a teen girl to be happy that she is pregnant, but I was going to be. My life wasn't ruined because I was having a baby. What kind of person and mom would I be if I resented my baby?

As a matter of fact, I know exactly what to do... I'm going to tell Eli tonight! We have a Skype date planned, mom and Glenn have their own date night planned, and Jake will probably be up in his room, so why don't we have a nice dinner, to celebrate?

Perfect!

* * *

Waiting for 7:00 to roll around was no easy task. I had already texted Eli to order Chinese food. Being in New York, I knew it was impossible to Eli to have an excuse for _not _ordering Chinese food, plus we both LOVED Chinese food, even though we still argue whether rice or low mein was better.

I searched through the cabinets and through the fridge and found a bottle of sparkling cider. I giggled at how cheesy it was to have cider instead of champagne when your pregnant, but I realized we had champagne flutes in the cabinets. How would Eli react if he though I was getting drunk during our video date? It would be even better if I kept refilling my drink, and even drank from the bottle. I might have to pee a lot, but who cares, right?

I grabbed the champagne flute and sat it on the table.

"Is that champagne?" Jake asked. I hardly even noticed he standing by the stairs.

"Maybe," I said, but I couldn't keep a straight face.

Jake cocked his eyebrow.

"Fine, it's cider, but Eli won't know that when he sees it in this champagne flute," I said.

"Is Eli pressuring you to drink?" he asked.

"No, of course not! I just want to play a joke on him," I said.

"Are you sure, because when a guy pressures you, it can be subtle. He might try to get you drunk so you will take your top off while you're chatting online," Jake said.

I giggled at how innocent people think I am...

"Well, he wouldn't need to get me drunk to do that," I said honestly.

"Oh, Clare, I don't need to know about that," he said.

"Hey, you brought it up! Now go, he's trying to massage me," I said, walking to the front of the computer.

"Go to your room or something," I said.

"I'm going out with friends. I won't be back till tomorrow," he replied. He headed to the door.

"Wait, what about mom and dad?" I asked.

"They won't be back till tomorrow either, and they said it was fine," he said.

"One more question," I said.

"What?" he asked. I could tell he was getting annoyed.

"You have friends?" I said.

"Screw you," Jake said with a smirk on his face before leaving.

I went back to my date with Eli. I clicked accept on the video request and his face popped up.

"Hey sexy," he said.

"Hey yourself," I said.

"Wow, you look fancy," he said.

I was wearing a tight black dress, a black headband with a flower on it, and some basic jewelry.

"Well, I wanted to look good for our date," I said.

"Well now I feel like a slob," Eli replied.

"Oh quit it. You look great," I said.

"Thanks," he said.

There was short silence between us.

"I've waited all day to talk to you," I said.

"Really? Special occasion?" he asked.

"Yeah, actually," I said.

"What is the special occasion? I didn't forget anything, did I?" he asked.

"No, no you didn't," I said, giggling.

"Then what's up?" he asked.

"Well, before I tell you... I just... I want it to be a happy occasion. I want us to be happy about this," I said.

"Uh... okay," he said. He waited for me to tell him.

I had tried to get myself excited about this moment, about telling Eli, about celebrating the baby, but I honestly didn't know how he was going to react.

"I'm pregnant."

There. Like a Band-Aid.

"Wait, what?" he asked.

"I took a pregnancy test today. It's positive. We're having a baby," I said.

His face showed how stressed out he was.

"You want us to be happy about having a baby?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"H-how?" he asked.

"If we were 30 and married, we would be so happy. Why should it be any different?" I asked.

"I know. It's just, having a baby, costs a lot, and what about future?" he asked.

"We can still do everything we want. In fact, we should have more motivation now that were parents. Money might be tight, but we can make this work," I said.

"What about me being in New York?" he asked.

"Why are you making it such an unpleasant thing?" I asked.

"Because I have a lot of questions on my mind and... I don't know what to do," he said.

"I have a lot of questions too, and I don't know what I'm doing either, but, I'm not going to look down on this. I don't want to resent my baby. There's not reason too," I said.

Eli held his head in his hand.

"I didn't mean it that way," he said.

"I'm not mad or upset about having the baby, it's just... I don't know how to be a dad, or what to do, or anything," he said.

"We'll figure it out," I said.

He sighed.

"I'm sorry Clare. I know you want to be happy, and I do too," he said.

I tried to think of what do say at this moment, so I could make things better.

"Then let's be happy," I said.

We both finally smiled, and I leaned over to pour my glass of cider.

I started drinking it without even remembering that I was supposed to play a joke on Eli.

"Is that champagne?" Eli asked with a seriously confused look and I looked at my drink and busted out laughing.

"I totally forgot. I was going to let you believe this was champagne, but it's really cider," I explained.

"That's cruel!" Eli said.

"Why is it cruel?" I asked.

"Because you were going to let me believe you were harming our baby!" he said. I just smiled.

Eli grabbed his Chinese food.

"So have you told anyone else?" he asked.

"No, not yet," I said.

"I think we should wait till you a few months pregnant," he said.

"That's a good idea. My mom will think I'm sick because of the medicine, and I might be able to play off seeing my OBGYN," I said.

"I think we'll figure out how to tell them later," he said.

"Your right, we'll worry about it later," I said.

We had a great meal, and we talked details about the baby.

* * *

The next day, I headed over to the hospital. I signed up for an early pregnancy class. I had to drop some money on it, but I knew it would be worth it. I didn't want to go through this mindlessly. Another girl was there signing up.

"Are you signing up for the early pregnancy class?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I replied.

I was still really anxious.

"You look pretty young," she said.

This coming from a girl who looked like she was in college.

"So do you," I said.

"19," she replied.

"17," I said.

"Wow, still in high school. I remember my senior year was awesome. Looks like your will be filled with baby," she said.

"That's a great way of looking at it," I said sarcastically.

"Susan," she said, holding her hand out. I shook it.

"Clare," I replied.

"Look for me at the classes," she said before leaving.

Humph. Well, okay then...

I also stopped by a book store to get some pregnancy, breastfeeding, and parenting books.

A constant theme reoccurring in the books was that I supposed to eat healthy, exercise, and all that. I had already started doing that because of the cancer. It talked about prenatal pills, so I figured I should go get some. I went to the store and got some prenatal vitamins.

When I came home, I took my vitamins and I got sick. I ate some food to calm my stomach, and after that, I got tired. I took a nap and calmed down.

This pregnancy is already taking a toll on me...

* * *

_**So, first chapter. I know this is really long. :P So, leave some suggestions in the reviews. Do you want it to be a boy or girl? Do you want it to be twins? Leave any other suggestions in the reviews!**_


	2. When will baby be born?

"Hey," Eli said over the web cam.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Getting ready for classes," he said.

"Okay," I said.

"How about you?" he asked.

"I found this website that tells you how to calculate your due date," I said.

"Cool, did you figure out when your due?" he asked.

"Yes I did. I'm due June 15th," I said.

There was a look in Eli's eyes. I wasn't sure if he was proud, happy, or sad.

"Wow," he said.

"It seems so far away," I said. I looked down at my stomach and rubbed it.

"It does," he said.

"I also signed up for some early pregnancy classes, and I met this girl names Susan. She's going to be a teen mom too," I said.

"That's good that you met someone due around the same time as you," Eli said.

"Yeah, and someone around my age. I bet most of the girls in that room will be around 30," I said.

"Don't worry about it. You'll be fine," he insisted.

"I know. Well I'll let you get ready for your class," I replied.

"Alright, love you," he said.

"Bye, love you too," I said.

The video call ended and I sighed heavily.

I got up and decided to get something to eat. I got some water and an orange. I'm already healthy, but now I was super cautious about eating healthy.

I ate my snack in front of the TV, and then went out for a run. It was harder now, and I couldn't go very far. I was really tired when I came back, so I took a long nap.

I woke up around 3:00 and I grabbed my phone. I decided to text Eli.

_Clare: Are you still in class?_

_Eli: Yeah, why?_

_Clare: I wanted to talk to you._

_Eli: About what?_

_Clare: We haven't really gone over some little but big details._

_Eli: Is that something we should talk about on video chat?_

_Clare: No. We can text, unless I'm bothering you._

_Eli: Your not bothering me. What do you want to talk about?_

_Clare: Well, one thing I wanted to ask was if your family has a history of genetic disorders? I think we should do prenatal testing, but I don't want to make that decision without running it by you first. I think we should, since there is a history in my family._

_Eli: I don't have a history, but I think we should anyways._

_Clare: Okay, so I'll let you know when its going to happen and how things go. Also, we haven't talked about where I'm giving birth._

_Eli: What do you mean?_

_Clare: Am I going to a hospital, a birth center?_

_Eli: Whatever makes you more comfortable. I don't really see the difference. Am I going to be there when you give birth?_

_Clare: It will be tricky. I could give a birth a week before or after I'm due, maybe even longer. If you really want to be sure your here, you'll have to take a lot of time from school._

_Eli: Well, I could get there a week before your due, and leave a few days after the baby is born, and you could follow soon after. I could get back sooner to get an apartment and you could come up with the baby when everything is finalized._

_Clare: Okay..._

_Eli: What's wrong?_

_Clare: Apartments are already so expensive in New York. I don't know how'll get the money in nine months, and how'll get jobs, be parents and go to school to afford it._

_Eli: Well, what if I came back home now and we can find somewhere else to live? Somewhere nice, and not as expensive._

_Clare: Eli, what about NYU?_

_Eli: I know I might be giving up a lot at NYU, but it would be worth it. Besides, what kind of dad would I be?_

I really thought hard. We would never be able to find a good apartment in a good part of town for cheap. Asking Eli to give up NYU though, just seems like too much to ask.

_Eli: I pulled a website that talks about a lot of good schools on the east side of America. One is called Kent State. It's voted the best none-private school on the east coast. My uncle and aunt live in a city near it called Hudson. It's in Ohio. Hudson is a beautiful safe place, it has beautiful homes, great schools, near Amish country and Cleveland, but there is still country. We could probably afford a house there for the price of an apartment in New York, and we'll have family near by._

Wow... he's already starting to really think this through.

_Clare: Are you sure you want to give up NYU? You really want to go to NYU, and how would we begin moving to Hudson?_

_Eli: I could ask my uncle and aunt to keep an eye out on houses that are on sale, and when we find one we like, we can buy it, and I can move in and start applying for Kent State and taking a few core classes, and you can move in when your done with high school. Or, I can just take the rest of the year off and stay with you, then move into a house together._

_Clare: That means you'll graduate late with me._

_Eli: Hey, I don't care. As long as I get to be a dad, and I get my degree at the same time, I'm happy._

_Clare: Are you sure?_

_Eli: I'm positive. So, what do you think?_

_Clare: Well... I guess... let your uncle and aunt know, were coming :)_

_Eli: Clare, I know we won't regret this. I'll let them know._

_Clare: Wait, you're not going to tell them I'm pregnant, are you?_

_Eli: Well, I don't have too, but I'll need to tell them to look for a minimum of two bedrooms. They might wonder why._

You know, it might be a good idea to let a _couple _people know... Just incase we need help.

_Clare: Okay, you can tell them, if I get to tell someone too._

_Eli: Who?_

_Clare: Jake. He's my big brother, so I know he cares about me being healthy and happy. He can help me if I ever need it, and he can cover for me._

_Eli: Alright, just make sure he doesn't tell anyone._

_Clare: I will. Trust me._

_Eli: Okay, well I have to go because class just ended. I'll talk to you later._

_Clare: Love you!_

I pulled my laptop back out right after I sent the text and searched "make your own blog".

This website pulled up that allowed you to blog for free. It's a really popular website, so I signed up.

I messed around with a little gadgets and thinks they have. Then I decided to finally make my blog.

I labeled it _**"Clare's Pregnancy **__**Blog".**_

I sighed. I hoped nobody from my school saw this before I told everyone.

I choose a layout and color scheme, and the blog was created. Now I needed to post something. I knew just what to post.

"Jake!" I yelled.

"What?" he replied.

"Come here, I need to show you something," I said.

He stomped into my room. God, he was such a brat sometimes.

I sat on the bed and looked up at him.

"Close the door," I said.

He looked confused, but still closed the door.

He sat on the bed next to me.

"I need to tell you something," I said.

"What's that?" Jake said. He wasn't really paying any attention.

I felt sick to my stomach all over again. I couldn't just blurt it out...

"You have to promise you won't tell mom or dad," I said.

He looked right at me, and I could see he was aggravated.

"I won't," he said.

I swallowed hard and took some deep breaths, but this was still so hard to do.

"Clare, are you okay? You look like your going to be sick," he replied.

"You promise you won't tell anyone?" was all I managed to get out.

"I promise," he said. I think he could tell that it was serious.

I took one more deep breath before telling him.

"I'm pregnant," I said.

His eyes widened.

"Your having a baby?!" he whispered.

I nodded my head.

He looked around the room.

"Where are you going to put the baby?" Jake asked.

You know, I knew he meant good by what he said, but I didn't like that he asked the question in a way that made it sound like I was giving birth to a bookcase.

"Oh, in the closet," I said.

Jake just looked at me with the same look on his face.

"Eli's aunt and uncle live in a beautiful city called Hudson in Ohio. There's a really good school near there, and Eli's going to apply there, and I'll move there after I finish high school. I don't know when Eli will move there," I said.

"Your going to go to a different country?" Jake asked. He looked shocked now.

"That was in the plans anyways. It's just that now, we're going to a different state, and were bringing a baby with us," I said.

Jake shook his head.

"How are mom and dad going to react?" Jake asked.

"I don't know, but it's your job to make sure that they don't find out," I said.

Jake nodded.

"Okay, I won't tell," he said.

"I also need your help with something," I said.

"What's that?" Jake asked.

I pulled out my camera and turned it on. I showed him my computer screen that still had my blog on it.

"I need you to take a picture of me every month for the blog," I said.

He sighed.

"Sure thing," he said, taking the camera into his hands.

I got up and stood against a plain wall. I pulled my shirt up and stood profile to the camera.

Jake positioned the camera, and the flash went off.

After he showed me the picture, he helped me upload it to my computer and on to my blog. I told him he could go back to whatever he was doing.

"Hey, if you need any help with anything, you can just ask me," he said.

"Thanks Jake," I replied.

"Oh, and um... don't jump the gun on moving. You have family here, it's familiar, there's plenty of good houses near here..." Jake said before I cut him off.

"Kent State an amazing college, and the area is safe, and the houses are beautiful, and so is the area around it. It's what's best for our family. It's not going to be easy... But it's what's best," I said.

Jake looked down at my belly.

"Well you're the parent, so whatever you say is best, is best. I just want to make sure your happy, and so is my niece or nephew," he replied.

"He, or she, will be fine. I think it's a good idea," I said.

Jake nodded and gave me a hug before leaving.

Glenn walked by just as he was leaving.

"Oh hey guys, I'm making a coffee run. You guys want any?" he asked.

"Uh..." Jake said. He looked back at me.

"No, I don't want any," I said.

"I'll have one," Jake said.

"Alright," Glenn said before leaving.

**Jake's POV**

Clare shut her door as soon as Glenn left, and I hurried into my room. Moving to Ohio? Are you serious? She knows nothing about that place, other than it's pretty and her boyfriends aunt and uncle lives there.

I shut the door and decided to do some research. In my search engine, I searched for pictures of Hudson Ohio.

Okay, so maybe it was a really nice looking place, but how good was it really?

I searched for crime rates, and the number was incredibly low compared to the US average.

Okay, okay, so it was winning, but I doubt mom and dad would let her move so far away! I pulled up a map and did time trials for both Hudson and New York City.

To get to Hudson from Toronto, it would take from four to six hours to get there. Okay, time to check New York.

Shit! It would take a minimum of seven and a half hours to get to New York.

Damn, maybe this place was better for Clare and the baby.

I just really hope Eli isn't pushing her into this...

I really want to get to know my niece or nephew.

I'm going to be an uncle!

* * *

**_Hudson Ohio and Kent State are real places! I live by both, and they are both awesome places! The thing about Kent State being the best non-private school on the east side is true. The only thing that's not true, is that Hudson Ohio is cheap. Hudson Ohio is a expensive place to live! Still cheaper then New York though!_**

**_Now I need to know if you guys want Clare to have twins. I'll write the next chapter when you guys leave a review saying what you want. :)_**


	3. Preggie Pops

_**Yay, I finally got a review! I was starting to think no one was reading :(. I have decided Clare won't be having twins, but the gender of the baby is still zipsky, but it has been decided for me :).**_

* * *

When I came home from school today, Jake was making me really uncomfortable. I didn't understand why he kept eyeing me and giving me goofy smiles. I stayed downstairs after I came home, like usual. I did my homework down here, I ate, I occupied myself on the computer, but for some reasons, Jake was here! He is always upstairs, in his room, listening to music.

After a few hours I grabbed my stuff and headed upstairs. It bothered me that all my stuff was sitting in the mudroom. I went into my bedroom and put my stuff in my bedroom and my bag in my closet, and when I turned around, Jake was there! He made me jump.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I asked.

He just smiled.

"I got you something," he said, nodding his head towards the bed.

I walked over, and on my pillow was a box of "Preggie Pops", with a picture of a _really _pregnant girl. I thought it was a gag gift.

"Jake, what is this?" I asked with an eyebrow cocked.

He walked closer to me to make extra sure that no one would hear him.

"There lollipops made for morning sickness," he whispered.

I read the box, and he was right. It was just weird.

"This is really cool," I chuckled.

"Thanks Jake," I said.

"You're welcome. Enjoy," he said leaving.

He closed the door behind him, and I decided to try them. Not bad, I just hope they work tomorrow morning.

I hid the box under my bed so my mom or step dad wouldn't find them.

I opened up my email on my computer and saw a new email from my pregnancy e-newsletter. A link for a calculator showed up. I clicked on it, and it pulled up electronic pregnancy calculator. I put in the information about my pregnancy and it pulled up a chart.

It showed everything, from my due date, to the date of my quickening, to the date of every week in my pregnancy.

I looked for today's date, and I saw that I was almost five weeks.

I sighed, and looked at the many weeks ahead.

Looking at this, I had the perfect idea. I got up and head to the store.

xXxXx

I clicked print on my pregnancy chart. I fit it to the dimensions I wanted it. I ran downstairs as fast as I could before my parents could see it coming out of the printer.

I hurried back up the stairs and glued the back of the piece of paper. I opened my new scrapbook and flattened it out on the scrapbook paper. It fit perfectly.

It was the beginning of my new baby scrapbook.

* * *

**_Okay, so. NEW QUESTION! Do you think Eli should quit NYU and come down to live with Clare until she gives birth and finished high school, OR, should they move to Hudson together soon and before Clare has the baby and gets a GED, OR, should Eli stay at NYU, Clare give birth at Degrassi, and they move into Hudson separately but together? YOU DECIDE! I'll write a new chapter when you guys tell me what YOU want! :)_**


	4. Panic Attack

"I really miss you, and I want to do what's right." Eli said.

I could tell he was getting frustrated.

For a few days now, Eli has tried to convince me to move with him to Hudson, and soon. There is just a few little problems with that...

Like, for instance, I haven't completed high school, Eli would have to quit NYU, I'm not totally sure where Hudson is, and, my parents don't even know that I'm pregnant.

How is moving now at all a good plan?

"Eli, it's too soon," I said.

"But there's a house there that is perfect for us, and you can get your GED there, and I can apply to Kent State soon!" Eli replied.

"My parents will never let me," I said. It was the truth. When they find out I'm pregnant, they will never let me leave the house, let alone move to another country with Eli before finishing high school.

"You don't need their permission. I mean come on, you just pack your stuff, and my family will help us move. We don't have to worry about your parents," he said.

"Eli, I'm still a minor," I said.

"They have full ownership of me until February," I said.

Eli sighed and sat against his keyboard. He looked down while rubbing the area around his mouth, and I could tell he was deep in thought.

We both sat in a comfortable silence while we tried to think of a solution to our huge problem.

"Okay, well, how about this..." Eli started. He talked slowly and looked right at the screen, so I knew I wouldn't like it.

"What?" I asked.

"What if I go ahead and quit NYU now, so I can go to Toronto with you, and once you turn eighteen, then we can move to Hudson," he said.

It was quite honestly a good plan, but I didn't want Eli to miss NYU. It's enough that he has to quit anyways, I don't want him to miss New York.

"Eli, you really want to quit NYU?" I asked.

Eli shook his head.

"No, but I'm miserable here," he said.

That didn't make sense. How could he be miserable but not want to quit?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He sighed.

"You're in Toronto dealing with the pregnancy all by yourself, and I'm in New York living the life that we both wanted. Your amazing enough, to ask me to stay here and live like this, and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. Please, let me reciprocate, and let me take care of you," he said.

I shook my head.

"I want you to live the life you worked so hard for, because pretty soon, either way, you're going to have to give it up. At least for now. Who knows, maybe when the baby turns into a child, we'll get jobs in New York and we can move back there, but for now, we're so young. I don't want you to miss out on anything," I said.

"And what about you?" he asked.

I smiled.

"I've wanted to be a mom since I was five, and I've prepared for it ever since. Besides, with my negative outlook on everything, I'll find something to be upset about anyways. I'm not ready but I'm ready to try. I need you to be ready and to do that, I want you to enjoy what you have now, so that you miss out on it," I said.

"If I experience it all now, it might actually hurt more. I'll probably miss it more," Eli said.

I sighed, because I knew that he was probably right. I knew that it would be true for me.

Finally, I took a deep breath after a moment of silence.

"Are you sure that this is what you want? Because you can't undo it," I asked, but he was already nodding before I could finish.

"I want this. It hurts," he said.

"Okay, then I guess you need to call your parents," I said.

"Actually, about that..." he said. He said it slowly again.

"Now what?" I asked.

"They're going to want to know why I'm dropping out of NYU," he said.

I heavily exhaled.

"So you have to tell them?" I asked.

"Yeah," he simply said.

I bit my inner lip.

"Okay, just, tell them not to tell my parents. I want to tell them," I said.

"They wont tell anyone," he promised.

"Okay. Well good luck," I said.

There was an awkward moment of silence between the two of us.

"I love you Clare," Eli said, breaking the silence.

"I love you so much," I said.

I looked into the screen at his beautiful green eyes and his messy brown hair, and fought back tears.

"Now go call your parents," I said.

He smiled before the call dropped.

I closed the computer screen and starting sobbing into my hands.

I didn't want to be making these decisions now! I want to complete Degrassi! I want to live in New York and go to Columbia and live with Eli. I don't want to tell my parents I'm pregnant. I'll be their biggest disappointment.

Jake walked in on me then with my head still in my hands.

He sat some of my clean clothes that he brought up on my desk chair and kneeled in front of me.

The thing about Jake is that he doesn't really know how to deal with emotional stuff like this, but when he even tries, it makes you feel really good, because it means he really cares.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jake asked.

I looked at him and could barely get any words out.

"I think I have to tell mom and Glenn now," I said.

"Okay, so your just overwhelmed?" he asked.

I nodded and buried my head into my hands again.

"They are going to be so disappointed," I whispered.

"Hey, they are going to be disappointed in the fact that your young and pregnant, not in who you are," he said.

I looked back up at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean... they will probably be upset, that's how parents are. They want to protect us. But that doesn't mean that they will be disappointed in you and in who you are. They will still love you," Jake said.

Obviously he didn't know my mom all that well.

"I don't know about that," I said.

"Well, let's just, act happy about it, and maybe they'll be happier about it," Jake said.

"Your going to help me?" I asked. Hey, it's what it sounded like to me.

He held his breath and looked worried, like he realized he said something he regretted.

I sighed and moved to get off the bed.

"Never mind," I said.

I walked over to my clean stack of clothes and pulled out my pajama bottoms and a tank top.

"I can be there when you tell them," Jake said.

I turned to face him.

"Will you stick up for me?" I asked. I really needed somewhere here at the home base who could help me and show people who I'm not a bad person, so I really needed Jake to be that person.

"You know I will," he said. He had his hands in his back pockets, and everything, from the way he stood to how he spoke, reminded me of Eli.

It's not that I love Jake and want to be with him, but I felt like I had the same support in Jake, and it was a support I really needed.

I gave him a quick hug and he patted my back. I walked over to my bed and put my clothes down on it.

"Now go, I have to change," I said smiling.

xXxXx

So, finally the day had come for me to tell mom and Glenn. It turned out Jake had been some help, and we pulled our money together to afford a nice dinner at an average restaurant. I mean, the restaurant wasn't exactly high-class, but it was still somewhere nice.

I was still putting my shoes on when Jake came in my room.

"So I got these," Jake said, showing me a package of pink and blue balloons.

"Pink and blue balloons? Jake, this isn't a baby shower," I said.

"It's not for decoration. I just thought that it might be fun to give them a pink and blue balloons and let them guess," he said.

I looked up with him with uncertainty. It's not like Jake to think of cute little games like these.

"Look, I found it off some website, I thought I could video tape it because I know you're doing a lot of little keepsake things so, whatever it's just an idea," he said before turning to leave my room.

"Wouldn't we look weird carrying two balloons with us to the restaurant?" I asked. I wanted Jake to know that I liked the idea, but it just seemed a little strange. He turned back around.

"Well, we can keep them in the car, and I can say I need to use the bathroom and then go to the car and blow a couple up," he replied.

"It's a pretty small restaurant, they will see you leave," I said.

"Okay, then," he took the package out my hand and ripped it open.

"I will take two in my pocket, and then blow them up in the bathroom," he said simply.

"That's a better plan," I said.

"Problem solved," Jake said leaving the bedroom.

I chuckled.

I felt a vibration near my thigh and check my phone.

_Eli: What are you doing?_

_Clare: Hi to you too :(_

_Eli: Sorry, Hi baby. How are you?_

_Clare: Really super nervous._

_Eli: Awww, why? Something wrong?_

_Clare: No, nothings wrong. I just... I'm telling my parents tonight._

_Eli: Whoa, really?_

_Clare: Yeah, so I guess the waiting thing has been blown to hell._

_Eli: Well who else have you told?_

_Clare: Just Jake._

_Eli: Well, we don't have to tell anyone else and it will still be under wraps._

_Clare: Yeah, but once you come back, it will be hard keeping it a secret, because everyone will wonder why your back._

_Eli: Well, you could just tell them I took MDMA and ran around the school naked again. ;)_

_Clare: Don't Eli. I'm still mad about that._

_Eli: For god's sake Clare, that was last year!_

_Clare: It still makes you look like a dumbass._

"Clare, we got to go!" my mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

_Clare: Got to go, be ready to get a call informing you of my death._

I grabbed my back and left.

xXxXx

"I don't know, should I be worried? You guys pulled your money together and brought us to this restaurant... What do you guys want?" my mom asked both jokingly and seriously.

"If it's a party, the answers no," Glenn said, not really paying attention.

Me and Jake chuckled, knowing just how far off he was.

"No, there will not be any parties happening at home for a while, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom," Jake said getting up.

This was it. This was the moment we tell them everything... and I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. Having Jake in my corner made me feel better.

"So, is there something up your sleeve?" my mom asked, almost totally serious now.

I chuckled.

"I don't know about 'up my sleeve'," I said honestly.

"What is it, what did you and Jake do?" Glenn asked.

"No, nothing. Jake didn't do anything at all," I said.

"So then you did something?" my mom asked.

"Sort of," I said.

It wasn't like I was taking drugs and needed money for rehab, or like I crashed a car, but it sure felt that way at that moment.

"Clare is this something we need to worry about?" my mom asked genuinely worried.

I pierced my lips and looked down. I couldn't bear to look her in the face. I simply nodded my head.

"Are you in some sort of trouble?" my mom asked in a softer tone.

"Like gang stuff?" I asked confused.

"Like any trouble?" my mom asked.

She laid her hand on top of my hand and I stared at it.

"No," I said.

Just then Jake came back to the table. He awkwardly sat down with both of the balloons. I looked at him and he saw the worry on my face and he looked at the worry on our parents face.

"Did you tell them?" he asked me.

I shook my head no.

"Just give them the balloons," I said quietly.

Jake even more awkwardly handed them the balloons. I watched their expressions while they looked at the balloons. They still looked worried, and they just looked at the balloons. They looked at the balloon in their hand, looked at the balloon in the other's hand, and then looked at each other.

"I really hope this means you guys got an animal without our permission and you don't know the gender of it," Glenn said looking at Jake.

Jake shook his head.

"We don't have any animals," he said quietly.

Glenn sighed heavily, and my mom held her hand up too her mouth and it looked like she might cry.

She stared at the balloon for the longest time while Glenn asked if she was okay. Finally she looked me in the eye.

"Your having a baby aren't you?" my mom asked.

I pierced my lips and looked my mom in the eyes finally.

xXxXx

I sat on my bed and watched my family constantly moving in the hallway. They were starting to relax and get into order, but ever since we got back they've thrown me looks and throwing me monkey wrenches.

Glenn walked past my room, but as soon as he left, he was in my room.

"Where are you going to keep the baby? I can't just magically build a room in this house?" he said finally.

"And what about your education Clare? You need to finish high school and your boyfriend is in New York," my mom butted in.

I kept quiet and looked at the ground near my feet.

"Me and Eli have a plan," I said.

"Oh, you have a plan? This should be great, I love hearing teenagers stupid plans about how they will take over the world, or be perfect adults, or how they know more than we do," my mom said to Glenn.

Tears rushed to my eyes and I pierced my lips again, practically biting them. What was the point in even talking to them?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

_This should be great..._

_...teenagers stupid plans..._

_...perfect adults..._

_...know more than we do..._

I looked up at the ceiling and raised off the bed. I walked over to my computer and picked it up. I wasn't afraid to let my tears fall.

"Well, lets hear it! Let's hear your big plans!" my mom insisted.

"Eli's going to quit NYU and come back here, and then once I graduate high school, were going to go to Kent State," I said, not looking her in the eye.

"There's so much wrong about that statement, but let me ask you something. Where is Kent State?" my mom asked.

"Kent... Ohio," I dragged the last part out.

"Ohio?" my mom asked shocked.

She looked around like she couldn't even imagine it.

"Your going to go to Ohio?" my mom asked.

"Yes," I said simply.

"And why would you do that?" my mom asked.

"Because Eli's family is there and there's a great school there, and it's a great town," I said quickly.

"Well let me tell you something," my mom started.

"Eli is _not _going to quit NYU. He is a nineteen year old boy in the freedom of New York City and he's not going to come back here, to take care of a baby, and second, you will not move to Ohio. You will stay right here, where I can keep my eye on you," my mom said getting in my face.

For years, my mom has insisted that the world worked in a certain way.

No one was 'allowed' to have sex if they weren't married, and if they did, they were troubled. I'm her child, and, her property, so I am not allowed to have sex... ever, and since I have, I need to be punished.

It bit the back of my lip, and the anger and resentment from her shallow, unkind, closed-hearted, stereotypical shunning mind built up in me, until I burst.

"I'm a mom now too, and I need to do what's best for my baby. The baby needs their father, so Eli is quitting NYU to come live here by his own choice. I need to support my baby and therefore go to college, so I will get my GED and go to a good school. More importantly, my baby needs unconditional love and respect something they can't get from you!" I said practically shouting in her face.

"You never gave it to me, so why should I trust you with my child?" I asked.

My mom stood there shock.

"I always gave you love and respect," she spat.

"Unconditional mom! UNCONDITIONAL! You always had conditions. I can't be gay, I can't have sex, I have to follow _your_rules and ignore my happiness. My baby deserves better than that and I can only hope I am better than you!" I said.

It honestly felt so good to get it off my chest.

It had built up for years, and now, it was gone.

My heart instantly broke though, when I saw my mothers face.

She look thoroughly shocked and broken, like she didn't even knew who I was.

I knew she didn't.

She slowly walked out of the room and Glenn gave me the death glare before he left. He left the door open behind him but I didn't care.

At that moment, I didn't care about anything.

I dropped to my knees and instantly started hyperventilating.

_No support._

_No money._

_No parents._

_No job._

_No house._

_No start._

_No boyfriend._

_No friends to help._

_I'm stuck._

When my mom heard me hyperventilating, she turned around, panicked.

"Clare, Clare. Are you okay?" she asked, getting on the ground beside me and rubbing my back.

"No," I barely got out.

I stood up to get my bags so I could start packing, but I barely made it two feet before hitting the stone hard floor.

I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital.

xXxXx

A grey bit of light peeked in through the darkness. I opened my eyes to see familiar faces, but since I was still insanely tired, I could barely recognize anyone.

"What's going on?" I asked groggy.

"You had a panic attack," Jenna said.

* * *

_**Cliffhanger! I love reading these, I love writing them... a little less, but whatever :) What do you guys think will happen next? o.O**_


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